


Amongst Dead Crows & High Wolves, a Mass Effect inspired story,

by Fallout4Reactions



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Post-Mass Effect 3, Shakarian - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9452435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallout4Reactions/pseuds/Fallout4Reactions
Summary: After losing Shepard, Garrus loses himself to his own dark thoughts and self-imposed solitude. With the Turian Hierarchy in disarray after the end of the war, the job of Primarch looms over his head. For Garrus, this is either the end of everything or the beginning of something new, and for the first time, he'll have to make the decision alone.





	1. A Lone Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> A Mass Effect inspired story. Rated T-M
> 
> All credit goes to Bioware. I claim nothing from writing this story. 
> 
> I managed to get an incredible Beta-Reader, Littleleotas, I believe she has a Ao3, go check her out! Full credit to her, she is an amazing writer and she helped me make this chapter what it is. I could never thank her enough and I could never have done it without her!

Garrus was entirely alone. 

Void of all feeling from the shock of his loss, suddenly he found himself engulfed in rage, rage against the unfairness of losing her, rage against the galaxy for thinking it needed her more than he did. 

He found himself feeling vulnerable for the first time in his life. Without her, he had no courage to speak of. He might have done some amazing things in his time but they had all came down to Shepherd somehow. His time on Omega, it all happened because he had lost her, and then when he had found her again she changed him, not because she meant to but because that’s what she brought out in him. 

Courage, bravery, leadership… and so with that he changed his whole outlook on life. She had helped him in ways he could never thank her enough for. Helping him with Sidonis, convincing him to let the once pathetic man live. She had told him to be patient with him and after some convincing, for once Garrus listened. He was doubtful and rightly so. However with time Shepard once again proved to him that she had been right. 

Reports soon came in confirming that Sidonis had given his life on Palaven saving his family and many others from a Reaper. Just after the war, and all the reports about his heroic rescue, Grunt confirmed it personally, having been on Palaven with the Aralakh Company at the time, and Garrus trusted him. Grunt felt Sidonis had been part of his team, if just for that short time on Palaven, and was saddened by his loss. Feeling for the young Krogan, Garrus decided Sidonis had repaid his betrayal. Forgiveness was still a long way off but he was grateful for his family, despite their distance. 

For his service, Sidonis was to be given a medal of Palaven honour, which was rare in the Turian military, for he had done what he was supposed to do in that situation. But unknown to everyone else, Garrus had personally asked Primarch Victus to give Sidonis the medal, so people would remember what he had done for the people of Palaven. Shocked, the Primarch refused at first, for he personally wanted Garrus to have it for his service to the entire galaxy, for saving him personally and his men, but Vakarian still pushed and eventually Victus gave in. 

Garrus was now to give a speech and give the medal to Sidonis’s next of kin in two weeks’ time. And even though Primarch Victus had died in the final battle on Earth, Garrus would still honour that promise to him, as he was a friend. 

Dr. Heart--Saleon was another, when he had first told Shepard about him, he hadn’t expected her to even take notice, never had he thought she would actually help him. She had more important things to be worrying about. Despite that, she did help him a great deal with the enquiry. And then just like that she had found him. 

What had taken him and C-Sec years had taken her about two days. He was amazed at how good she was. No wonder she was a Spectre. Shepard was damn impressive! And after all that, when he finally had the slimy bastard in his sights, she wouldn’t let him do it. To say he was pissed was an understatement and he tried to persuade her that if they let him go, he would just get away with his crimes. However, she gently pushed his suggestion aside, telling him they were going to take him in, send him to the military, interrogate him and he would then serve his time. 

“How will we know what he’s done if we kill him? Think, Garrus.” 

He then remembered telling the Salarian how lucky he was that his Commander was here. But he spat sarcastically and pulled out his gun, running for the door. Then Shepard shot him. Just like that. 

“What was the point of that?” Garrus had said indignantly. Nevertheless, Shepard was calm and explained. 

“You can’t predict how people will react, Garrus. But you can control how you will respond. In the end, that’s what really matters.” He had hesitated then, knowing that she was right. She just smiled as he thanked her. 

After that, Shepard and everything she did was incredible to him. She was his role-model and she knew it. 

She even came to visit him more often and he took notice. He remembered seeing Alenko’s and T’soni’s looks of disbelief in the canteen and Ashley’s disapproval down in the hold. Even Tali took notice. None of them spoke a word, of course, but Wrex did and, by the Spirits, he didn’t even hesitate. 

But thinking back on it, Garrus was grateful to have the old Krogan around back then and even now. They might not have gotten along at first, far from it. And yet, he now considered him among the greatest of his friends, the ones he could not live without, and when it came to Shepard, he meant that literally. She had been his lover, his best friend, his guide… and though her own life was spiralling out of control, she still found the time to help him with all his other worldly personal issues, and he just wished he had thanked her more. With time and her help, he grew into someone with responsibility, someone in whom others placed their trust. 

Unofficially he was the Normandy's second-in-command. Officially he was an expert Reaper Advisor and Primarch Victus’s right hand man. He had been honoured, but some days it was all too much. And it showed. Shepard noticed, and tried her best to help him, but back then it was him always trying his best to help her…

“Garrus, you’re doing too much. You’re gonna give!” Two days after she had said that he had collapsed. Right in front of Wrex, of all people. He took the piss afterwards, but that was expected, and Victus tried his best to work as independently as possible to relieve some of Garrus's stress, but it never worked out that way. Shepard didn’t leave his side if she could help it, never saying she had told him so. When he had first collapsed, she had been in a frenzy, but as soon as she knew he was going to be okay, she calmed. She did her best by him, for they looked after each other. 

“We’re a team, Garrus,” she had said and he just smiled in his Turian way and replied the best way he knew how. 

“We are in this until the end, you and me.” Pulling her close then he had felt like there was no war, it was just the two of them. But like always, moments like this were short-lived and never happened often enough. 

Now he was on his own and he just didn’t know where to start. The others, they had tried to be as supportive as they could, and his father… Spirits, he had actually hugged Garrus without a word. Now Garrus thought about it, it might have had something to do with the fact that he had broken down right in front of his father... From exhaustion or pure terror, he did not know. But for the first time in his life his father was actually there for him. 

Another thing Shepard had done for him, it would seem. But without her there with him… he was lost, alone and, truthfully, afraid. He was no longer what she had made him out to be. 

Some were calling him the “Hero of Palaven” and that bothered him more than anything else. He was no hero, not in his mind. She was the hero. She was his heroine, his beautiful and wonderful lady. Tough but kind and ever so thoughtful. With a touch like silk. 

He sat upon his bed – their bed with a drink gripped firmly in his left hand. His first thought was it might lessen the pain deep within his chest. But the more he thought about it the less perfect that thought became.

It was a strong Turian whiskey—triple. He had always liked his drinks strong but tonight it was as strong as it possibly could be. A strong drink had never failed to comfort him before, but still, he would have preferred the comfort of her touch over any drink. And yet there was no point in wasting a good drink, was there? So he kept it gripped tightly in his hand.

With a frustrated sigh and a heavy heart he tried to forget what was causing his pain, if only for a moment. He sighed again, but this time it was less strained, he was trying to forget the hole in his heart, as if that were possible. 

Garrus refused to forget her. Though he knew the trauma was weighing him down, killing him even, which was nothing compared to the guilt ripping him apart from the inside. The truth was he was afraid of getting help for it might mean forgetting her altogether. He didn’t want to forget anything of Shepard, but that would require him to live with everything they had been through together. From Sovereign and his Geth to the Reaper War itself… and just to add even more to the mass of stress he felt, he would have to live that life without her, and the thought of that almost killed his heart outright.

But if that pain was the price to pay to remember her touch, her voice, the joy that she still somehow brought him, then so be it. His bond with her was eternal, for Turians mated for life and he had chosen her as his. He didn’t care what his family thought and he certainly didn’t care what any human thought either. But there was one exception: his father. When it came to his dad--he did care--a great deal. He had worried night after night about what his father might think. It wasn’t a demand, nor was it necessary. It was just one of the most important things to him since the day he had learned to walk. All he had ever wanted was for his father to be proud of him. He had to work his ass off for everything he got, and yet it still wasn’t enough. To Garrus, until recently, it would seem that he just wasn’t good enough for his father. And yet, when it came to Shepard, he was. He had been all she had ever wanted. Her words--not his. She would make a point by telling him how proud she was, but never too often. She had said she didn’t want him getting too cocky, but it meant the world and it showed him she cared and acknowledged him enough to notice. It was more than his family had ever done for him. With his mother dead and his father rarely noticing him, before Shepard came back he was at his lowest. Then out of nowhere she came back to him, and he had never felt such happiness or relief… and now she was gone for good and he was back to where he began. At his lowest. But there had to be a breaking point and Garrus was approaching it. Fast. 

“I can’t do this without you, Garrus.” He remembered her five fingered hands intertwined his his three fingered ones. He hummed and pulled her forehead against his gently. 

“Of course you could. Just not as stylishly of course!” She had giggled at his response. 

Her giggle echoed within his mind. She would never leave him and in one way he was thankful for just that. That little memory. On the other hand, he hated her absence. His loneliness... Still, he refused the treatment he had been offered, and his father had been less than happy about it.

And yet, he found it almost impossible to be who he used to be. The one who had been by Shepard’s side through it all… The Turian she had fallen for, the Turian who had asked her if she wanted to be a one of a kind Turian woman. The question he had been proud to ask. Garrus didn’t feel like the one who asked her that question anymore, and he simply couldn’t cope with that loss looming over him as well. For she was the one who had given him a new meaning on life, and when she died, a part of him left with her, never to be seen again. Because of her he felt so alive, like nothing could go wrong, like he was the man for her. 

Now that feeling was all but a memory, of the good times. 

“Just like old times.” He almost laughed at the little line he often spoke of after her return from the dead. But it wasn’t “just like old times” anymore. It was far from it and he wished for nothing more than to be who he was in those times with her. 

There was now an empty void where his heart used to be. A void no one could fill but Shepard.

But that was the one thing she couldn’t do. She had given him so many wonderful memories… and yet, it could never be enough. Shepard was gone. Dead. K.I.A. The recovery reports had come in just over a month or so ago and confirmed everyone’s suspicions. However, there had been no body, just blood. Too much blood for anyone to survive and there was no sign of her. At first she was M.I.A, and there was still hope, but after weeks of searching, it was called off, to Garrus’s disbelief and anger. But he would have to face facts… there simply wasn’t enough people and resources to keep looking, and the evidence all pointed to one thing: 

Shepard had given her life for everyone, and that included him. Garrus knew she would have thought she was doing him a favour, giving him another life. He didn't think she understood he didn't want one without her. But he had never wanted her to give her life for anybody. She had already done so much… for so many people and all he had done was stand by and—

No.

Thinking like that wasn’t going to help and it certainly wasn’t going to bring her back… He loved her dearly and had never wanted her to go. But…

At least you got to tell her you loved her–--

Too fucking late.

He knew deep down she would have done it anyway, given her life for the good of everyone else, no matter how many times he told her how much he loved her. It was like her to think of what the galaxy needed first, not what she wanted, not what he wanted. She never had his selfishness that he wished she had.

With that thought, Garrus fought the guilt deep within himself. That thought brought a wave of guilt crashing down on him. It gripped his heart and twisted hard.

It’s not fair!

The anger boiled, and even the memory of her couldn’t calm his already overworked mind to relax. The real her wasn’t there to hold him tight and so his muscles ached and his plates pushed against his fragile skin underneath them. He growled in pain, pain of the body and pain of the mind. Clutching the glass even harder, so much so it almost cracked under the pressure of his gloved hand. Taking notice before it smashed, Garrus released his grip. He tried to calm himself, but it didn’t work and his mind still raced and his body still ached. 

Growling more out of frustration now, he thought about himself for a while. Him with her, just the two of them… 

All he had wanted was for her to be his wife, his lover, his soul mate… Maybe that was too much to ask for, but he had wanted it all so much. He still did. But that was impossible now.

Garrus held his head down in shame.

Maybe I could have saved her—No.

Shepard had done what she thought was right for everyone, including him. That's who she was—selfless and kind—and that’s why he had loved her in the first place; that's who he had fallen in love with. And though he mourned her, he knew what she had done was brave and he knew he would never have the heart to change her mind once it was set. She was so brave and he was so proud to be hers.

And even though she was gone, he was still so proud… still so in love he could barely stand it. 

“Spirits help me,” he whispered into his whiskey before downing the glass. He shivered at the strong taste as he swallowed but shook it off.

Standing, he stretched his aching muscles and walked over to Shepard’s old desk, setting down his glass he glanced at the photo of them laughing together on the Citadel.

Vakarian forced a smile at the memories she had held so dear to her heart, and he was just glad he had been counted among them. He smiled fondly, seeing himself through her eyes. She had been such a bright star, and he was glad just to have been at her side as long as she'd let him. He missed her terribly, wanting nothing more than to be by her side again. But he knew he would never hear the end of it from her if he did anything stupid. So there he stayed, waiting for the day he could embrace her once again. So he kept going, just for her.

If he remembered correctly, he'd owe her a drink when he finally caught up with her at that bar. His gaze moved to the portrait of her, in uniform, standing at attention. The Commander, as she was, at her best.

“Get me through today, won’t you?” There was, of course, no answer. Sighing, he put the photo back down. He looked away and turned around, half-expecting to see her standing behind him. But the realisation hit him; Shepard wasn’t coming back this time.

Not this time…

“I still love you,” and with that, he left her cabin for the final time.

As the door closed behind him, he couldn’t help but look back one last time. Her door was locked, just as he had ordered. As soon as he set foot outside her cabin it would stay exactly how she would have left it.

Placing a hand on the door, he whispered, “I always will” before heading towards the elevator. He had always known this day might come, sooner or later, and yet he still wasn’t prepared. For his heart still broke in two and his soul still died. As the metal doors shut and all the memories came flooding back, Garrus had time to say his goodbyes. He said it slowly, not wanting it… but of course the truth was, no matter how hard it was for him to bear, that she was gone forever.

“Goodbye, my love.” He sighed, closing his eyes tight, the only thing missing from his grief were the tears that should have been there. “I doubt I’ll live long without you… so I may see you soon.” He could have sworn a smile formed at the thought, just because it would mean seeing her again. He breathed in then, trapping his thoughts well into the back of his mind.


	2. Nightmares & Comforts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: After losing Shepard, Garrus loses himself to his own dark thoughts and self-imposed solitude. With the Turian Hierarchy in disarray after the end of the war, the job of Primarch looms over his head. For Garrus, this is either the end of everything or the beginning of something new, and for the first time, he'll have to make the decision alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Mass Effect inspired story. Rated T-M   
> All credit goes to Bioware. I claim nothing from writing this story.

Shepard’s funeral was to be a special one, of sorts; she was the only person who had ever had two. Though it was the second funeral of hers Garrus was attending, it wasn’t any easier. If anything, it was worse.

Back when she had first died, and no one thought she was coming back, Garrus and the Commander had only ever been friends. This time he was mourning his lover. 

Yes, Garrus missed her. He missed many things about her: her influence on people for a start, the way she brought people together, how she made some of the most impossible and most stubborn people in the galaxy become the closest of friends, like him and Wrex.

But that was nothing compared to what he felt now. He was love-sick. But never-the-less he was determined that her day was going to be about Shepard—and only her. Despite the sadness and grief, there was a sense that they were about to celebrate her life and her accomplishments one last time before saying their final goodbyes and watching her take her final journey, and even though she wasn’t here, Garrus didn’t want her to think she was taking it alone. She would have the entire galaxy here to support her in a few days time. 

It had taken a full two weeks to set everything up and invite everyone. In the end, Garrus had to make it an open funeral, because so many people wanted to come. He would have said no if it wasn’t for the Turian Royal family, who also wanted to attend. They could only attend open events, for the security was enormously expensive and would have to be everywhere. It was just cheaper and a lot easier for Garrus to make it open to the public. 

He had only spoken to the King once before, in Primarch Victus’ company. But Victus had died saving a group of civilians on Earth in the final battle, making him now not only a hero to his men but also a hero to the people of Earth. Not much could beat a reputation like that.

So now with Vicus gone, he would have to meet the King alone this time, who wanted to speak with him personally. Garrus wouldn’t refuse that invitation, even if it was unexpected. He knew his father would have a few words to say if he did. It was just a big surprise to Garrus. The King had been in talks with the Hierarchy about the new Primarch. It was no longer a precise selection between high ranking generals, heroes of Palaven or the big-headed and courageous commanders. No, the Royal family had survived the war, survived everything, and so had earned the right to a choice of who that person would be. That person would be given the responsibility of rebuilding and reconnecting the Turian race to the galaxy. 

To say Garrus was nervous to meet his King was an understatement. He would have to be on his best behaviour, avoiding all of his bad jokes and sarcastic lines as well. 

Crap.

He didn’t want her day to be about him or anyone else for that matter. Even for people so important that they were stuck up their asses about it. But he at least needed to make it safe for everyone. Shepherd may have been a galactic hero, but that didn’t mean everybody gave her the respect she deserved. He would need to make it look like he had done it for the Royal family and for anyone of a high rank; otherwise it would look bad on him. He didn’t really care, but his father did and he didn’t need his father going on at him about something as basic and downright stupid as that. 

Not for the next few days at least. So he would do what was asked of him, for now. 

Truthfully he knew deep down he was only doing it so Shepard’s day would go ahead without any problems whatsoever! If he was honest, he didn’t really want anyone getting shot at… 

Wrex would have a field day!

He took out his data-pad and checked his emails again. Nothing new but he wanted to re-read the one from the King and the Council, just to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. He wanted her funeral as perfect as it could be. Humans and Turians alike held these kind of events with great passion and honour, to show that they respected their dead and their goodbyes to those they held dearest were held in high regard. His heart pounded hard against his chest plates. He wasn’t excited, far from it, but he was normally a very calm person to be around and this was almost too much for him to bear. He wasn’t used to such an un-easy feeling. 

He opened the King’s email first, for he felt it was most important. In the time it took him to pick the data pad up and open the King’s email, he also received one from his father.

“Not now, dad.”

To the esteemed and well-respected, Garrus Vakarian,

It is an honour to be able to speak to you personally, though I wish it was under better circumstances. With that said, I would like to wish you my sincere condolences for your loss. I take no pleasure in meeting you like this, however, I must say that I – and the rest of the Turian people – owe your Commander and her crew an apology and thanks. I and the rest of my family would like to be our people’s representatives at this service you’re holding for your Commander, though I believe my people’s appearance will already be great in number.

It would be an honour and a privilege to be there. Although the choice is yours, Vakarian, this request is one I ask of my own accord and will not hold your decision against you if you wish to decline.

Though I must make a request, if I may? Invite the Council. All four of them. I would like to watch them apologise. Say that King Vendrick himself has requested they be there. Hold back the reason if you wish to.

This is an honour, Vakarian, may the Spirits guide you away from your grief.

King Vendrick,  
until the Spirits take me

With respect and gratitude, he replied with his thanks and accepted the King’s request, also saying he would update him about the Council as soon as he knew anymore. Satisfied, he sent the email, after reading it a few more times… just in case. 

Garrus couldn’t help but feel a swell of relief. When he had heard the King before, he understandably sounded hurt and ill-tempered. He knew it was only an email and maybe the King was as grief-ridden about his own personal losses as he was over his… Even so, the man sounded civil enough and was respectful with his words that Garrus admittedly let his guard down at that moment. 

And although the Hierarchy itself was a mess, with the survival of the King and some of his family, things were starting to get back on track quicker than they would have if the whole Royal family had been lost. But Vendrick had suffered his own losses… He had lost his wife and his youngest daughter in the war. He couldn’t help but feel for the man. In one way, at least, he knew how it felt and if the King was anything like him… 

It was a shame, he had heard good things about them both… Shepard would have loved to meet them.

They would have loved to meet her, too…

He opened his father’s message then, trying to stop the thoughts from feeding off his pain.

Son,

I know this is a hard time for you, but may we talk? I understand if you’re not up to it – though I must say, I think you’re doing a great job under the circumstances. I’m proud of you… 

Just call me if you need to.

Your Father.

He didn’t know what to say. All these years he hadn’t heard a supportive word out of any of them, particularly when it came to his father and now the very man he believed didn’t love him enough to ever say the words he had always wanted to hear says the very thing he probably needed the most.

He replied, a little too quickly, but he felt a little happiness that he hadn’t felt in years when it came to his family.

Is that your way of telling me you love me? About time!

Regardless, Dad, I appreciate it. 

Sure, we can talk… I’m in the chapel. 

-G

He then proceeded to open the reply from the Council’s assistant. He wasn’t expecting much but he had to know at some point. Why would they refuse a King?

But it wasn’t from the Council’s assistant at all; it was from Councillor Sparatus. Garrus then thought he should probably stop jumping to conclusions, although he was still sceptical. 

Vakarian, 

May I first apologise for your loss. I truly believe now that if we–the Council–took more steps to act on your Commander’s beliefs beforehand, then maybe more would have been prepared and different circumstances would mean she would still be alive…

For that I am sorry, and for that, and not due to the King’s request, is why I accept your invitation. Although it is an honour to be personally invited by the King of Palaven… However, I do not believe my presence will be received well, considering our history with the commander, but I do want to acknowledge that I owe you and the commander a great deal, including my life. So like I said, it will be my privilege to attend. 

Unfortunately it will be only I and the Human Councillor attending. She did not have the time to reply personally, for she too is in mourning, as we all are, but said she would be attending with me on the day, for my wife is too sick to travel… I am sorry to tell you that the other Councillors are “too busy;” however, I will let them know of the King’s request and will inform you as soon as I have a response from them. Maybe the King himself will be enough to change their minds.

I hope so, for your sake, and may the Spirits bless you and Shepard for all you’ve done!

Be forever in Palaven’s light, my friend,  
Councillor Sparatus 

“Spirits. Thank you…”

“Garrus.” He looked up in response to the voice that he knew instantly was his father.

“Dad.” He put the pad down and then approached the older Turian, holding a supportive arm out to him. His father accepted, holding on tightly to his son’s arm. Grateful, he thanked his son. Tidus was getting uneasy on his feet in his old age and despite their distance, Garrus knew his father well enough… 

Garrus nodded. He didn’t mind helping his father. If only he knew how glad he was to have his father around. Especially now, with all that was going on… 

“Dad, do you want to sit down? There’s a chair right here, I don’t mind, really.” Garrus stopped, for his father nodded at his suggestion. The older Turian sat, breathing a sigh of relief at the sudden release of strain from his aging leg plates. Garrus then got a chair of his own and sat next to his father, but only after picking up the once discarded pad from the desk.

“Son. I, ah, I needed to talk to you. I just could never find the right time…” Garrus was certainly curious but held the urge to rush his father in any way. “It’s about your sister.”

“What about her?” He hadn’t spoken to his sister for a long time now. His last conversation consisted of a blunt exchange of emails about their mother. She had tragically passed away just before the Reaper War. Yet in a way he was glad, for he never wanted her to see such a thing in her final days. He knew after their reunion that his father felt the same on the matter, but never spoke a word for Solana could not stand it that they both believed such a thing!

Regardless, there was nothing they could do about it. So life just carried on… 

At this point, Garrus watched his father closely, trying to guess at a hint about what he was going to say. But his father was unreadable. 

“She’s”— he stopped.

“…What, she’s what?” 

“I didn’t want to tell you until all this was over… but I wanted you to hear it from me. Recent talks have made waiting impossible however.” His father sounded disheartened.

After a moment’s silence, he couldn’t help but feel he could guess. “She dead, isn’t she?” His father looked at him with a surprised look, almost disbelieving. Not wanting to admit it… but nodded soon after. Garrus just went numb. With anger… regret, shame… 

Spirits, he couldn’t tell. He just felt sick. Standing a little too quickly then, he almost fell. He then realised he couldn’t see, and fell to his knees. Shaking… Tidus got up and knelt by his son, but after getting no response, Garrus’s father pulled him close for the first time in - Spirits know how long. Then he simply held his son, trying his best to comfort him. Tidus knew he had been a strict father, maybe more so than he should have been, but that didn’t mean he loved his children any less and he knew Garrus had lost a lot… a hug wouldn’t take much and it was the only way he knew how to tell his son that he was here, when he needed him most. For Tidus knew exactly what Garrus was going through, but Tidus, even with all his experience and guidance, didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say that would help. But he attempted to apologise. He didn’t know what for really. Was it for not being there, not really being a father, not guiding his son down a simpler path? 

“I’m so sorry. I know I haven’t been there… and I regret that, but I’m here now.” Garrus just nodded into his father’s chest. 

He could feel how tense Garrus was, but the younger Turian still shook, even in his father’s embrace, but Tidus just held him, and didn’t say a word after that. Garrus held his father as tight as he could in return, having wanted this sort of comfort for so long now. If he could cry he most certainly would have let the tears fall. But he couldn’t, he just made a choking sound instead. His breathing was gaining pace and his heart pounded so hard he could barely hear his father hushing tones in his grief-ridden state.

“The reports said Sidonis saved you!” Garrus gasped, trying so hard to deny it, for as long as he could.

“He did… she died from her injuries soon after.” Garrus couldn’t respond. He just couldn’t find the words. He just felt so much pain, for he had lost so much in so little time.

…First his mother, then Shepard, and now his sister? He almost couldn’t stand it anymore. He just wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and be with her again. His beautiful Jane. 

“Son?” Tidus tried to move. After almost a full fifteen minutes his legs had become stiff. There wasn’t time for this; they had much to do before the funeral, it was only two days away. But he soon realised that his son had fallen asleep. 

As a child, Garrus would always do this, in an attempt to gain as much of his father’s affection as he could. Tidus didn’t blame him, he had hardly been a loving and caring father, but this now? Tidus assumed it was out of grief. Garrus was completely and utterly drained. 

You must be so tired… but I’ve got to wake you.

“Garrus,” he shook his son this time, but unlike every other time, Garrus didn’t wake up. Tidus sighed. He no longer had the heart to try. Instead, he lit up his omnitool, opened the comm and asked for the guard outside of the chapel to join them. 

Tidus had a very high position in the Hierarchy. He was one of the head advisor of Primarch Fedorian, before he died. The old Primarch may have been long dead, but that didn’t mean the Hierarchy let Tidus walk about without protection. He had refused at first, knowing full well that his C-Sec training was enough for him and he could handle most things alone. But that didn’t make any difference. They assigned a young Turian guard to him. A little too young and a little too inexperienced to make their previous argument on the issue valid. But never-the-less, as soon as Tidus had hung up, the boy was there to help. He would give the boy credit where it was due; Xen was a good boy and would do just fine with time and the training required of him. 

“Sir Vakarian, are you alright?” Xen approached, trying his hardest not to separate his mandibles at the sight. He didn’t think it was funny, it was just nice to see. But smiling might give his superior the wrong idea and the young guard didn’t want something like that on his review. “Shall I move him?” 

Tidus nodded, “Try not to wake him though.” Xen acknowledged the order.

Wearing high-grade Turian military armour, Xen found it easy to move Garrus ever so slightly so Tidus could get up, without waking him.

“There’s a bed in the other room, next to the stairway. Let him rest there for a while.” Tidus knelt down and shook his son awake, Garrus groaned as he awoke, confused and so tired. “Garrus, follow Xen, he’ll take you somewhere where you can rest properly.” Garrus hummed in response as he got up. He was so dizzy, he just wanted to get there as quickly as possible.

“I’ll get him some water.” Xen supported Garrus’s body, to stop him from falling forward. Tidus nodded. 

“I’m going to run some errands for tomorrow, while you rest; don’t forget the Normandy crew is coming a day early.” Tidus placed a firm hand on his son’s shoulder, as a small way of comfort. “So get as much rest as you can, and I’ll see you later.”

Garrus nodded slowly in response, while walking in the direction of the spare bedroom. He didn’t even look back. 

“…Thanks, dad.”

Warm hands touched him, and with sweet lips, she said his name… 

“Garrus… Garrus, wake up!” He shot awake, sweat pouring from his plates. As he cleared his throat, and his eyes got used to the darkness, he instinctively placed a hand on the side Shepard had once slept. However, instead of finding an empty sheet cover, he felt something… familiar under his hand. He froze, without even realising it, he held his breathe. Trying his best not to make a sound or any other sudden movements. 

He couldn’t remember what had woke him now. He just switched the light on at the side of his bed and looked at where Shepard had once lied. There was no emptiness however. There she was. Sitting right next to him.

He couldn’t breathe. More out of shock than choice. He couldn’t move. He hesitated, refusing at first to believe this was real. But there she was. Smiling at him, with that beautiful, calm smile. 

“—Jane.” His voice choked as he still hesitated. “…it can’t be…” He reached out his hand towards her.

Was this real? He couldn’t remember falling asleep. 

Nothing moved, expected his hand as it placed itself gently onto her cheek, which she simply leaned into it. Smiling, as she closed her eyes and breathed with comfort. Trapped there, he began to think that maybe everything he had lost had all just been a bad dream… or it could be something to do with the Reapers? They may have been destroyed, but that didn’t mean people didn’t still suffer from their effects. A nagging feeling touched the back of his mind then. The thought was very much a valid one

But that didn’t really matter. She was here with him, and that’s all he cared about. She simply made him feel safe. Made him forget about all his worries. His pain.

“I thought you were dead… It was such an empty galaxy without you!” He tried to laugh, but it caught in his throat. Pulling her close now, she rested against his chest. He could tell she was listening to his beating heart… She always had done before. 

His heart was pounding, and there was this dull ache, like it was bruised. Garrus found himself wondering if she could feel it. 

“Oh, Garrus. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hmm, why’s that, my love?” 

“You need to wake up, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” He felt her pull away. Garrus opened his eyes then, and she was… gone.

His heart began to race. “No, no, no… Jane? Jane!”

“Garrus!”

“Jane!” He bolted up right. Eyes wide. Rapid breaths. Heart pounding. Realizing only then that it hadn’t been real. He choked her name out, but it felt stuck. Almost impossible to say, like he had never heard of her name. “Jane…” His voice become an echo, as he realised it was only a dream. Looking where she once laid again… it was empty, tidy… like she’d had never been there… 

As his vision cleared, and he looked back, he then noticed his father was now sat next to him. His eyes were soft with sympathy. But also showed a strength that Garrus wished he had right now.

“She was here… I swear.” Garrus simply felt broken and confused. He felt like his heart had been broken once again. “She was there!” He now sobbed and held himself close. Broken, no longer the Turian that he once was…

“Garrus…” His father was calm. Pulling his son close, he left him be. “It was just a dream… a horrible dream.”

What’s the expression human’s use? “Let it all out.”

Tidus let him do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two took quite a while to write, due to the fact I needed a new Beta Reader, @ridethecricket was an amazing beta reader, but is too busy. It’s understandable! Thanks again for all your help! You’re amazing! ^^
> 
> @scythling, is my new beta reader, and she has done a fantastic job in helping me make this chapter what it is. Thank you so much, you’re a star!


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